How to Build Strong Families, Raise Happy Kids: Child psychology and Parenting tips

Dads and Moms, this episode is for you! Join M.A. Aponte on Thinking2Think as we delve into the wonderful world of Parenthood, fatherhood, and motherhood. We explore two foundational theories in psychology: Jean Piaget's stages of cognitive development and Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Join us as we delve into Piaget's groundbreaking research on how children learn and grow, from sensorimotor exploration to abstract thinking. We'll also examine Maslow's theory, which suggests that humans have a hierarchy of needs that must be fulfilled in a specific order to achieve self-actualization. 

We'll explore how dads and moms can build strong foundations with their children in the early years, navigate communication at every stage, and provide discipline with love. Learn practical tips, gain encouragement, and discover resources to be the best dad you can be. 

Keywords: fatherhood, parenting, dads, children, communication, discipline, building strong foundations, emotional intelligence, social development, confidence, self-esteem, problem-solving

Transcript

M Aponte: In this episode, we're diving headfirst into the wonderful, messy and ever evolving world of child development and parenthood with the special focus on fatherhood and single moms. So dads, this one's for you, moms and the New Year. And if you're a single mom, especially, pay attention. We are going to dove into the child's mental development and tips to becoming a great parent by the end of this episode, I promise you, you will pick up some great tips for supporting your kids in this incredible journey.

M Aponte: Don't forget to like, share, subscribe. So let's get started. First and foremost, being a dad is an amazing privilege. And if you're a single mom, more power to you. But it can also feel overwhelming whether you're new at being a parent, holding your precious little bundle for the first time, a seasoned pro, navigating the teenage years deep breaths, or a dad who had a falling out and want to rebuild their relationship with their children. There's always something to learn, some challenge to overcome. Today, we'll explore some practical advice, share some real dad experiences and moms, too, and hopefully offer a dose of encouragement for fathers and single moms at every stage. But before we go there, let's talk about something that kids go through. There are many studies that given decent understanding, but the one specific psychologist who has laid out the foundation of understanding was Piaget. Jean Piaget was a Swiss psychologist known for his groundbreaking work for the in the field of child development. Now, some say that, some say, John, but I think is Jean Piaget. Piaget. Dr. Piaget proposed a theory of cognitive development that recognized our understanding of how children learn and grow. His theory emphasizes the importance of children's active participation in constructing their understanding of the world around them. Piaget identified four major stages of cognitive development, each characterized by the distinct ways of thinking and understanding. So I'll break this down since your sensorimotor stage lets birth to two years old. During this stage, infants learn about the world primarily through their senses and motor activities. They explore objects by touching, tasting, smelling and grasping. You see this when you carry a baby or someone a baby that's just a few months old and they're always grabbing or they're putting stuff in their mouth or, you know, where they have the toys to have different types of feelings of that's crunchy or smooth. That's the reason why Object of permanence develops during this stage, which is an understanding that objects continue to exist even when they're out of sight. For example, the peekaboo game or, you know, knowing of knowing that you put a toy down, you walk away, you come back and the toy should be there. These are also part of the development. And by the end of the sensory motor stage, infants begin to engage in symbolic play and develop a rudimentary problem solving abilities. That's your blocks, putting in the proper block, in the proper hole, if you will. Then comes the pre operational stage, 2 to 7 years old. In the pre operational stage, children develop the ability to use symbols and language to represent objects and ideas. However, their thinking is still egocentric, meaning they struggle to see things from perspectives other than their own. So they're selfish, but they just don't understand. It takes time. Children in this stage are also prone to animus. It's an attribute attributing humanlike qualities of inanimate objects to their. Play. It's there. You know, things seem real to them, like their teddy bear, things like that. And they exhibit intuitive rather than logical reasoning and may struggle with. Conversation tasks such as understanding the quantity of a substance remains the same, even when its shape changes. So they're still trying to figure out, and they will probably not understand logic. So I never position about logic, although healthy because they'll get used to it doesn't. Don't lose your patience is just that the brain's not there yet. So certain things. I think the best way to put it is they're still in fantasyland. So when they're aged 2 to 7, they do not understand they do not understand the pre operational stage. In short, they don't understand. Sex or gender or and I know that sounds controversial, but this is this is not me speaking it. This is the study. And the study is foundational in psychology. They don't understand certain concepts. They may say they're a unicorn or a dog and they will act as such. Again, that's their pre operational stage. They're figuring things out. Now comes the concrete operational stage. This is between the ages of seven and 11. During this concrete operational stage, children begin to think more logically and systematically around the world. They develop their ability to perform mental operations such as additions, subtractions and classifications of children in this stage also demonstrate conservation skills and can understand concepts like reversal the. And the situation. However, the thinking is still limited to concrete, tangible experiences. And they may struggle with abstract or hypothetical situations. So when you talk to them, it's them. When they're between 7-Eleven, you're really talking to them and you're trying to put things in their experiences rather than hypotheticals or what ifs, or because they they're really still grasping with that. So you got to bring it down to their their world level when it comes to conversations, because they cannot grasp that outside of your town or city. They just can't. You can try and some will grasp it. There's no concrete set in stone. Oh, yeah. You're you're 11 years old. When you're 12 years old, you could perfectly understand it. No, they may understand sooner rather later. Again, a lot of this plays a role in the environment and culture, and I'll get to that in a moment. And then finally there's the formal operational stage, adolescence and beyond. The formal operational stage marks the onset of abstract thinking in hypothetical reasoning. Adolescence develop the ability to think logically about abstract concepts and hypothetical situations. They can engage in deductive reasoning, hypothesis testing and problem solving in more systematic and logical manner. This stage is characterized by increased cognitive flexibility and the ability to consider multiple perspectives. Piaget Theory of cognitive development highlights the active role of children and could start constructing their understanding of the world. He emphasized the importance of hands on experiences and interactions with the environment in promoting cognitive growth. While Piaget's theory has been influential, it is important to note that individual differences, traumas, environment and cultural factors can also influence the child's development. So we have to keep that in mind and keeping all those things in mind. We can lay some strong foundations of parenting.

M Aponte: Now I'm going to segue way into building strong foundations. The early years are crucial for a child's development. And dads, moms play a vital role. Studies show that a strong parent child bond contributes to a child's emotional well-being, self-esteem and even academic success. Now, this doesn't mean dads or single moms have to be the primary caregivers. Teamwork is key. So here are some ways you can build that strong foundation. One. Be present even in the early days with sleep deprivation. Carve out dedicated time for just you and your child. Skin to skin contact. Singing silly songs. Reading stories. These moments create lasting memories and foster a deep connection. To embrace diaper duty. I know. Changing diapers isn't glamorous, but it's a sign of partnership. And shows your child you're equally invested in their care. Plus, you might get a laugh or a spray along the way. In three, be playful dads. I know many dads are have a hard time with this, especially if you are certain generations or how previous generations raised, like my generation, for example. But dads bring a unique energy to playtime and single moms to be playful, get down on the floor, build towers, wrestle gently, and encourage exploration. It's a fantastic way to bond and create happy memories. There's a relevant study by 023, a nonprofit focused on early childhood development titled Building Strong Foundations and Advancing Comprehensive Policies for Infants, Toddlers and Families. It's spelled out zero zero. t03. T. H r. E. Dot org. So 0 to 3. This study emphasizes the importance of strong policies on programs that support families in the early years and highlights how a solid foundation in infancy and toddlerhood contributes to a child's overall well-being, including emotional, social and cognitive development. While the specific study Building Strong Foundations advance comprehensive policy for infants, toddlers and families by 0 to 3 023 focuses on policy recommendations. It does lay the groundwork for the importance of strong father child bond in the years, or I should say, parents. Here's how we can extrapolate its findings. To support the concept of building strong foundations. Excuse me. If I'm seeing things wrong today, I'm a little bit congested. I'm getting over being sick. So that being said, here are the three. One focus on the first three years. The study emphasizes the critical nature of the first three years in a child's development. This aligns with the idea that strong father child interactions during this period laid the foundation for future emotional, social and cognitive well-being to healthy development needs. Nurturing Caregivers. The study highlights the need for families to have access to resources and support a strong father. Child bond is a form of nurturing care that contributes to a healthy development and three investment in early childhood matters. The study argues for investments in programs and policies that support early childhood development, strong fathers or father like figures and moms to be a little less the word, the single moms being a little bit more of a balance because you guys got a rough, you know, more power to you for all the single moms out there. But strong parent involvement can be seen as an investment in a child's future, similar to how the study advocates for investment early childhood programs. So with that being said, looking beyond the study, I'm going to give you a list of research and studies that you should be aware of. One, The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children by the American Psychological Psychological Association Studies. They say that this article highlights research showing that strong father child bonds are associated with better cognitive functions, social skills and emotional well-being in children to the impact of father involvement on child development by the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center This resource discusses research indicating that children that involved fathers tend to have skewed and have higher academic achievement, better emotional regulation and strong self-esteem. Now, I know I'm saying a lot about dads, but that's because whether regardless of where you stand ideologically, the studies, even former President Obama have stated that there is a problem with the lack of fatherhood. You do not have to be the biological. Father to be a dad. So, you know, uncles could be can play that role. Grandfathers can play that role. There are ways for people to really get engaged and be figures. Single moms. I, I feel you. I feel the balance. I mean, just imagining me, trying to take care of my kids alone is. That's rough. So, you know, a it's an obstacle, and I. My heart goes t goes out to you. But don't worry. I didn't forget some of the other stuff that I promised I would talk about. Regarding late childhood, I know I've been talking about the early stuff, but now I'm going to get to that in a few moments. But with that being said, let me get back to it. Communication is key. As children grow, communication becomes ever so important. Here's how dads can foster open communication. One act of listening. Put down the phone, make eye contact, and truly listen to what your child has to say. Big or small? Open ended questions. That's number two. Go beyond yes or no. Ask questions that encourage them to express their feelings and thoughts. And the three be a safe space. Let your child know they can come to you with anything without judgment. This builds trust and helps them navigate the complexities of life. And I'm going to elaborate. This comes down to building trust and connection. Open communication fosters a safe space where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings and experiences with their dads or moms. This builds trust and strengthens the the child and parent bond. Active listening shows children, they are valued and heard. It allows dads to understand their children perspective and respond thoughtfully. And that includes moms. I know I'm saying a lot of dads, but trust me, moms. This involves you, too. This strengthens the connection and creates a sense of security. Now, promoting emotional intelligence communication helps children develop emotional vocabulary by talking about emotions and experiences. Dads can equip their children to identify and express their feelings in healthy ways, too. It also opens communication, allows dads to model healthy coping mechanisms by expressing their own emotions appropriately. Dads can teach their children how to deal with difficult feelings in a constructive manner. Then there's supporting social development. Communication skills are essential for building positive relationships with others, but practicing communication with their dads. Children learn valuable skills like taking turns, expressing needs assertively and resolving conflict peacefully. That can use open communication to guide children's social interactions. They can discuss appropriate behavior in different situations and help children navigate social challenges. And then there's enhancing confidence and self-esteem. Many of our youth and I see this in the school where I'm a principal. That many of our youth lack self-esteem to a point where they have their guards up. It's almost like a chip on their shoulder. Anything triggers them and they get irrational. That's a self-esteem issue. That's a confidence issue. That's not a, Oh, just look at me. I'm tough. It's more like you're you're hitting a soft spot and I don't like it internally. So it's a confidence issue. Positive, encouraging communication. Boost children's confidence. When dads or moms listen attentively and offer support, children feel valued and capable. Open communication allows parents to provide constructive feedback by discussing mistakes in a supportive way that can help and mom's children learn and grow without damaging their self-esteem. And then there's fostering problem solving skills. Communication is key to effective conflict resolution. By talking through problems with their dads, children learn to see things from different perspectives and develop problem solving skills. Open communication allows parents to guide children in finding solutions to their problems. They can offer suggestions and support empowering children to take ownership of their challenges. Remember, communication is a two way street. It's not just about dads talking at their children or moms even talking at their children, because I've seen that also. It's about creating a space for open dialog, active listening and mutual understanding. Now, I am not saying that when they do something wrong, you don't correct it. I'm going to get to that in a second. What I am saying is that this kind of communication is an ongoing process that evolves as children grow. But it's an investment that pays off in a strong, healthy and happy relationship between you, the parent and the child. And now we're going to segway over to discipline with love.

M Aponte: Discipline is an essential part of parenting and. Parents obviously play a crucial role in setting boundaries. It's about nurture and structure. Now here are some tips. Focus on teaching, not punishing, viewed discipline as an opportunity to teach your child valuable lessons about right and wrong responsibility and consequences. Explain why certain behaviors are unacceptable and how they impact others. This helps children understand the reasoning behind the rules and not just the fear of punishment. To develop a team approach. Discuss parenting philosophies with your partner and agree on consistent consequences. Three Positive reinforcement Focus on praising good behavior rather than just punishing bad choices. This is hard for many cultures because there's a certain expectation. I get it. I come from a culture that does that. But catch your child being good. Acknowledge and praise positive behaviors. This reinforces good choices and motivates them to repeat those actions. Use of a reward system for achieving goals or consistently following rules. This positive reinforcement encourages desired behavior without relying solely on punishment. Then there's natural consequences when appropriate. Let your child experience the nature of consequences of their action. Don't pack. Didn't pack a lunch. Might be a hungry afternoon. It's not like they're going to starve to death. They didn't pack a lunch. It is what it is. They now they learned. And. There's some. Now, how do I put this? Fatherhood is more challenging and more challenging than just changing diapers and setting boundaries. It's about nurturing and child talents and interests. And I know a lot of that, not all dads, clearly, but depending on your cultural background, I know I come from one. So, you know, guilty as charged. That's not always the case. So. Here are some tips. Share your passion. Share their passions. Share the passions, whether it's sports, music or building things, introduce your child to activities you enjoy, and you might create a lifelong shared interests and be a role model. Lead by example. Show your children the importance of hard work, integrity and respect for others. And embrace vulnerability. It's okay to show your emotions. Let your children see you cry, laugh and experience all the facets of life and how you cope with it. Now. If you cope in a negative fashion. And you know, it's negative. Don't do it, you know, but if it's a positive one, it's something you may want to share so that they can see. Age appropriate techniques. So I'm going to slowly segway into something else that we talked about, Piaget. But I just want to lay some foundational stuff where you tailor your disciplinary approach to your child's age and development. Now, earlier we talked about Piaget's cognitive development. That's all. That's the thing that you have to consider. Simple explanations and timeouts work well with younger children, while reasoning and discussions become more effective as they mature. Remember and this also was spankings. I mean, a little spank in a push. Some study says it's okay. Some studies say they don't when they're very, very small. Depending on your cultural. I'm not judging. I'm not saying anything that it's right or wrong. What I am saying is certain times as they develop it may not work anymore. Maybe have to be something else. Taking away a cell phone might be more punitive than getting a physical, you know, hit in the tush, if you will. So so they. So there you go. Those are things that you need to consider. And remember. Please remember, you are not alone. Fatherhood. Single moms. Can be an isolating can be very isolating at times. Reach out to other dads or single moms, online community support groups, or just grabbing coffee with a friend. Sharing experiences, challenges and victories can be invaluable. So do that. Be a community. Dads and single moms who may not have had that opportunity of being a parent as a as. You know, as as they were children. In other words, like basically you were out of the picture. Or having a hard time communicating with a child. This is something that's for you. If you're trying to get that communication going, it is important to seek understanding. And sometimes children may not be in the right frame of mind due to stress or trauma. When this is the case, there is a need that must be fulfilled and you can contribute to that need. Maslow's hierarchy of thinking is something I'm going to get into. It is another psychological theory that has pretty much lead a foundation on the needs assessment. And when I get into this, I want you to have a clear understanding. Remember, we talked about Piaget's cognitive development. Now I'm going to give you something a little bit. Different. That connects very appropriately. So with that being said, let's talk about. Abraham Maslow in the hierarchy of needs.

M Aponte: One of the things you need to understand about the hierarchy of needs is that it works. Throughout your entire lifetime, not just for children, but also adults. And if you have been a parent that unfortunately under a certain set because of a a because of life, you weren't actively there for your child. And now are other late teens to even a young adult. And you want to be present. It is in it is so important to understand the hierarchy of needs in order to try to build on that relationship. So with that being said, Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a psychological theory proposed by Abraham Maslow in 1943. It suggests that humans have a hierarchy of needs that must be fulfilled. Any specific order to achieve self-actualization or the realization of one's full potential? And this includes building trust and relationships. The hierarchy is often depicted as a pyramid, with five levels arranged from the most basic needs at the bottom to the highest needs at the top So we're going to start from the bottom to the top one. Physiological needs at the base of the pyramid are the physiological needs, which are the most fundamental requirements for human survival. These include air, water, food, shelter, clothing and sleep. Without satisfying these basic needs, an individual cannot move up the hierarchy to fulfill higher level of needs. The second level safety needs once the physiological needs are met. Individuals seek safety and security. This includes physical safety from danger and harm, as well as financial security, stable employment, health and protection from threats such as violence or natural disasters In other words, it is your it is the consistency of a certain structure. But remember, the physiological needs must be met first before we get there. And then after the safety needs comes love and belonging list needs. The next level of hierarchy involves the need for love, affection and sense of belonging. This includes forming meaningful relationships with family, friends and romantic partners, as well as feeling accepted and valued within social groups of our skin and communities. And then once that's met. Esteem needs after filling the need of for love and belongingness. Individual strive for esteem needs, which includes both self-esteem and the esteem of others. This involves developing a sense of confidence, self-respect and achievement, as well as receiving recognition, respect and appreciation from others. And then there's self-actualization. That's the top, top of the hierarchy in self-actualization, which represents the realization of one's full potential and pursuit of personal growth Fulfillment and purpose. Self-actualization. Self. Excuse me. Self-actualized individuals are motivated by a desire for personal development, creativity, autonomy, and a sense of meaning in life. Now, let me give you an example. If. And if a person, child or a young adult feels like you're not consistent. There's no safety. The safety is not there. And no, it's a danger. But it's. You're an outsider. You're not a normal person in their own world. And their own small world. So the love and belongingness cannot happen. Unless the safety needs or the consistency of being safe is present. The same as if you are like I tell my teachers, how can we? Build up on the safety when the idea of them not knowing if they're going to have food. Is not present. How can we have the children involved in their learning? They're not there yet. So we provide lunches and meals and make sure they are well fed. And then were there consistently there. We? Redirect them when they're misbehaving. In different ways. It's a very polite way, me saying it. And then there's us acknowledging and making sure they are heard and they're protected. And that's when the next step of loving and belonging comes in, where they now they want to be at the schools or they want to be at a certain place. So that's how I teach my teachers. And I want you to understand that as well, because it's not just about the schools I know mentioning as an example, but it's also in their homes. So these are the steps that need to be met in order for self-actualization. Now, according to Maslow, individuals progress through these levels of needs and in sequential order and lower levels needs take precedence over higher level needs. Like I said earlier, once a lower level need is sufficiently satisfied, it no longer serves as a primary motivator. And individuals can focusing excuse me, can focus on fulfilling higher level needs. However, it is important to know that individuals may move back and forth between levels of the hierarchy, and the fulfillment of needs is influenced by various factors such as culture, personality and life circumstances. Maslow's hierarchy of needs remains a widely recognized and influential theory in the field of psychology, education, business and personal development. So that being said, in your own home, there are certain things that need to be met in order to truly develop your child. And sometimes and I know from this recording, 2024, economically difficult for many of the Western countries. I know it's hard. Like when the supermarket prices and you're having a hard time with grocery bills. But as long as you have a support or you can find support where the physiological and safety needs can be met. All these other things. You have the power to really develop that. So keep that in mind. And if you've been in estranged from your child. They may have all of these satisfied in their home. But not satisfied at all. With you. Now I know that's a big pill to swallow, but we have to swallow it, especially if you've been estranged from your child and you want to be part of that life. Certain of certain things need to be met before we can go into love and belonging, before we get into esteem, and before we get to self-actualization where you can have conversations and help them develop. And they are motivated by creativity, autonomy, and able to build from there on their own. So you need to keep that in mind.

M Aponte: Dads, moms who hold an incredible power to shape your child's life. There will be mistakes, meltdowns and moments of pure his aspirations. No one's perfect. As a dad,

M Aponte: I can honestly say I am not perfect with all this knowledge. I still fall short many times, but there will also be laughter, heartwarming moments and a love so profound. It takes your breath away. Embrace the journey. Be present,

M Aponte: be loving, and enjoy that incredible ride of being a parent. So. Like share. Subscribe for more thinking to think. I M a Aponte. Thank you so much and I will see you in the next one.